"Have the Attitude of Christ"

Last week was a trying week for me. I had a teacher who was...very difficult to say the least. Let me just say, if I would've had her all 8 weeks, I would not want to be a teacher any longer. Here at Conversa (the school here in CR) each week we get a new teacher. Each class switches teachers, which I kind of enjoy. But last week, I had a teacher named Amira. She wasn't my preferred kind of teacher. She didn't explain anything. Simply wrote it on the board and asked, "Esta claro?" (Is it clear?) Then we would go around the room and do examples of how to use it, and move on to the next theme for the day. We sat in class mostly silent all day, and when we had a chance to talk, it was only to use examples.

The second day in class, she made me cry. If you know me well, you know that I don't even like to cry in front of my family or my closest friends. I don't like showing my emotions and vulnerability to others. So for her to make me cry, was very hard for me to handle--and it wasn't even half of the week yet.

So you might be wondering...well what did she do to make you cry??? Well, we were going over a tense called subjunctive. This tense is when you use sentences that have doubt involved. So if there is a doubt about something, use subjunctive. So it came around to me while we were doing examples and I was going to say, "It makes me happy that my sister will turn 5 years old next year", but I stopped mid-sentence because I don't want to have doubt that my sister won't complete 5 years. So Amira told me to continue finishing the sentence, so I did. And I told her I didn't have any doubt that she would. But Amira insisted that there was indeed room for doubt in the sentence.

Imediately my eyes started to water. I don't want to think that my sister may die before next year. And Amira asks, "Why are you about to cry? Why are your eyes watering up?" And it made me furious. I began crying, and told her, "I don't want to think about that! My 4 year old sister dying?!" And she started laughing. It made me even more angry. And I had a bitter, angry attitude the rest of the day.

On Wednesday, I was determined that things had to change in the classroom. So while I was doing my devotions that morning, I wrote "Have the attitude of Christ" on the inside of my hand. Right on my palm where I could see it. That day in class, whenever I had a bad thought or attitude, I looked at my hand and was reminded that I need to change. And throughout that day, things improved. We made Amira laugh and class was slightly more enjoyable. As the week progressed, things slowly improved. By the end of the week, we were playing games and laughing, and shockingly enjoying the class! Amazing.

It was amazing to see how fast things change when we strive to be like Christ. When we talk to him and rely on him. I couldn't believe how fast he worked in the situation. When we thirst for Christ, to be more like him, things change. Radically. And Amira was right--nothing is guaranteed in this life. My sister may not make it to 5- He could come before then, or take her home. When we have the right mindset and attitude, it makes a difference. And learning to be vulnerable is necessary sometimes. It is humbling. God is amazing.

I don't really know what else to say about that.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
  In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
  Who, being in very nature God,
   did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
 rather, he made himself nothing
   by taking the very nature of a servant,
   being made in human likeness.
 And being found in appearance as a man,
   he humbled himself
   by becoming obedient to death—
      even death on a cross!
Philippians 2: 3-8

Be My Everything

I can't believe it's already Wednesday. Time flies here. This passed week I've gotten second degree burns and sick, but my God still remains faithful.

There are so many things to be learned here I can't even name all of them. But I can name some--

Within the first week here, I was struggling spiritually. However, my God provided. He gave me a group of practicing Christians to fellowship with. He gave me a way to communicate with people in a different country. He gave me peace in my sickness and patience with the bugs. Don't get me wrong, they do annoy me, but I've come to terms with them. He gave me the opportunity to rise every morning and gave me the opportunity to see his beautiful creation here. He gave me technology that I may take a documentary of the trip and remember it through the videos. So many things He's given me.

I've continued reading Crazy Love, and I've been learning a lot through that book. Something that stood out to me these passed couple days was the quote, "What are you doing that requires faith?" And I sit there and thought, wow...nothing comes to mind. I act like the rest of the world. Sure I don't drink, or smoke, or cuss, but really, how do I truly show my love of God in my daily life? The way I've been loving Him, His word, and His people should demonstrate my love for him. I've realized that I need him to help me. I can't do it on my own.

I need him to transform my heart. Break what breaks him. Love what he loves. I want to be just like him. Like a child who loves their father. I must start to use what he has given to glorify him and not myself. He has given spiritual gifts, personal characteristics, and opportunities galore, and I choose to ignore them or take them and run. I need him more and more every day.

Because he should be my everything.

Viva Costa Rica.

Today is my fifth day here in Santa Ana, Costa Rica...wow it doesn't seem like 5 days. Life here is very different, in an extremely good way. It's simple, yet refreshing.

I live with Ana (my host mom), Jose Carlos (my host brother-5 yrs.) and Luis Mario (my host brother-10 yrs). It's awesome. I love the kids. Jose Carlos is convinced that everything is "bike" in English. Bola (ball) = "bike" ----everything is bike. haha. Jose is also my "Spanish teacher". Everyday he gives me lessons in Spanish over vocabulary, even though I already know all the words he is "teaching" me. Luis Mario loves mixing Spanish and English. I don't see him much, but he is very helpful when I don't understand something. My host mom Ana is gone a lot, but I love talking to her. She is very kind.

The school is very beautiful. The nature here is absolutely amazing. God's evidence is everywhere. The trees, mountains, lizards, birds--everything. I can't wait to go exploring.
I've been praying about where God would have me in the future...this is a possibility. I love the hispanic culture and just how simple life is here. I don't need hot showers, nice cars, or nice clothes.

The weather is very interesting...bipolar to say the least. But I love it. It's cool in the early morning, it quickly warms up mid-morning, the afternoons are cool/raining. The nights are cool. We get the best of both worlds here. The language is a little difficult to understand, but I'm getting the hang of it.

I'll keep you posted!

Pura Vida!

He Lives

So I have an incredible story, that I can't take credit for. It has His name all over it. This story is his, and glory all belongs to him.

Someone in my family has been having marital issues. She found out that her husband was committing adultery and she moved out. She has one 17 month baby and one on the way. She moved back to Mansfield and has been doing better. Well, this weekend, Bob, her husband came up for a court date. On Friday night he calls his wife, Natasha, to see if he can see his daughter for Easter. He says he has an Easter basket for her. My family urges Natasha not to let him see his daughter, fearing that he will try to take the baby.
You see, they both have equal custody at this point. If Bob decides he wants to take the baby back home and leave Natasha, there is nothing we can do.
So Natasha and our family agree that he can see her for a little bit in a public restaurant to be safe. Everything goes fine that night and everyone comes home safe and sound.

The next morning, Bob calls again and asks if he can see his daughter a little longer before he goes back home. Our family had been planning on going to the zoo, so they only had a little time. Natasha, Bob, and their daughter go and meet (only this time we don't know where). At about 1 o'clock, we decide we have to get going if we want enough time at the zoo, but Natasha isn't back home yet. She texts my sister, Hillary and tells her to go without her because Bob wants more time.

We get frustrated, but decide to leave. I then notice that my car needed gas, so we decide to go to Kroger. We also had the top down on my car, because it was a very nice day. After getting gas, I then notice that I also need to fill up my tires with air. Hillary then hears someone screaming, "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

We look over in the Kroger parking lot and Bob is taking the car seat from Natasha's car and putting it in his car. I immediately run over to his car and jump in. Natasha is on the phone with the cops and Bob is trying to take the baby out of the car seat. However, I put my arm over her seat belt so that he couldn't get her out. Natasha somehow gets Layla out of the car seat and goes to her car and locks the door.

The police arrive shortly after. Luckily, Layla wasn't injured in the whole situation. I go to get my car from the gas station and park it in the parking lot. In the end, Bob and Natasha both got charged with child endangerment, but everyone was safe. Natasha and Layla returned home. Bob went to jail for not cooperating with the police.

Throughout this whole situation, God was working. How did we know what gas station to go to? How did so many witnesses at the Kroger parking lot show up within only a few minutes? Why did they help Natasha without even knowing the complete situation?
We just happened to choose the gas station right in front of where Natasha and Bob met up before going out to eat. We were in direct eye line of where they were parked. There were plenty of people who aided in stopping Bob from taking Layla, who willingly gave their time and energy into helping my sister get her baby safe.

My God is faithful. He is living and working in our lives. He is unconditionally loving, caring, and merciful. Praise be to him, and all the glory to him!

My Testimony

A couple days ago, on March 21, 2011, was my second year anniversary of my pursuit and relationship with God. It is so amazing to look back at who I was before I started my relationship with him. To see the changes, and the progress, and it is absolutely incredible how God works.
So here I am, telling you my testimony.

Growing up, I had always gone to church. I went to many different ones because my parents are divorced and they went to separate churches. At the age of nine, I was baptized, but I think I only did it because I thought it was the "right" thing to do. I didn't really understand what it meant. I had always understood the concepts of Christianity, it was just never a heart thing.
Then, going to high school, I was a very shy girl. My freshman year I went into a really bad depression/anger phase. I don't even remember how it started, I just know that I tried to make it look like everything was okay. I dated a guy that I wasn't really interested in. He was a junior. Luckily, I broke it off with him, but still continued in my depression. This continued into my sophomore year, when things started shaping up.

I started going to a church in Mansfield, and sure, I was still a little depressed. I felt isolated, alone. And then I started dating another guy who went to my school. This guy wasn't Christian, so at first things were a little shaky. I continued going to my church and things started getting better. I started bringing him to church, in hope of him coming to Christ with me. Eventually we started having devotions together, although it rarely happened.

My junior year, something finally sparked. I was at church retreat with my youth group. My boyfriend wasn't there, which made it easier to concentrate (which should have a been a sign to me). We were doing a series about going deeper in God's word and getting to know him on a deeper level. I don't know how it happened, but something just clicked. March 21, 2009. I cried, shared what was on my heart, and things started changing. However, I still struggled spiritually in my relationship with my boyfriend.

Our spiritual relationship was not solid and that made for problems. I was fighting it hard, but there were just some things that didn't line up. You see, I never had problems with drugs or drinking, but this relationship had problems of its own. I never slept with my boyfriend, but there were times when it came close, and I knew that things had to change. I was very, and at times still am very shameful of things that I allowed that were clearly crossing lines. So I continued to try and work through the problems, but it just didn't get anywhere.

My senior year, just after graduation, I broke it off with my boyfriend. I realized that he was a major distraction away from God and I had to change that. I cut myself off from him, knowing that if I didn't I might go back. It was hard and challenging, but it was then that I really started running to God. And looking back within these last two semesters at Ashland, I have never grown so quickly in my life.

I started going to a church in Ashland, and I continue going there now. I am very involved here, and have made a new family through my church and friends. I have learned so much within the passed few months that I will take with me the rest of my life.

And looking back, I shouldn't be shameful of anything in my past because I have been forgiven. Satan will try to use the past as at stronghold to keep you from looking forward. Through my mistakes, I have learned a lot. And without making them, I never would've learned what I did and currently am.

I have never shared my testimony like this before. And I just felt that it was something that I should do. God gives each of us unique testimonies of how he has worked in our lives, and I thank God that he entered my life. He changed my heart, is changing it, and will continue to. And in this whole story, I smile, knowing that it was Him the whole time, and in everything, He gets the glory in return.

The Crab

This passed week, I went to the Bahamas for a mission trip. And although I could share SO much about that whole week, there is one thing that really stuck with me from that trip.

Throughout the week, I struggled spritually. (And it was a good struggle). I had begun learning how to love people in a new way. At home, I feel like I have to perform to get approval sometimes. I feel like my performance reflects how I love the people. But in the Bahamas, I began learning how to love people just by spending time with them, getting to know them, and just learning about who they are. I didn't have to perform, even though we did go to do home repair. It wasn't about repairing homes. This trip was about getting to build relationships with people that will last longer than a week. We got to know these people and be with them, and they changed our lives just by being who they were to us. And hopefully, God's love for them shone through us as well.

Also, I began to really recognize the beauty of God. I did a lot of video taping that week because I like taking videos instead of pictures, although pictures are awesome too. And behind the camera, I got to watch people and see who they were. I also got to know them while I wasn't video taping, but I liked experiences who they were all together. And as I got to know my team and the people there, I began to see how God makes people so different from each other. We all look differently, talk differently, have different personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on and on. And I personally get so much joy from seeing so much diversity. And in this diversity, we all work together because if we were all the same, how would that work?

If we were all God's arms and no feet, how could we function? So I was watching at how each person had their function and who they were, and I began questioning myself. I began comparing myself to everyone, and seeing their beauty, I felt I had none. I felt like I had nothing interesting, nothing worth while about myself. And I struggled with this almost the whole week.

Then, on our last day, we were walking along the beach and I found a (dead) baby crab. I almost walked right by it, and almost kept going. But something about this crab just caught my attention. And I began thinking, God, why didn't I just walk passed this insignificant crab? There's nothing special here. It's small, dead, and I don't see anything worth while about it. And then a thought popped into my head, and I began thinking about how this tiny, insignificant crab was made by God. The creator of the universe. And that had more meaning, more significance than anything I had ever thought of.

I was that crab. I am tiny, insignificant, but I have been made by God. Even if there is no other talent, beauty, or anything else about me, my beauty comes from our Creator and I think that speaks volumes. And he has made me alive in his Son, and he loves me. I often have the attitude that I will never get married because there isn't really anything unique about myself, but I've realized something:

If God made me, created me, adopted me, calls me his child, then that is better than any other thing I will ever be able to think of. And I am growing so much more than I ever have, and I love God more and more each day, and if that isn't something extraordinary, then I don't know what is.
I am special because I am one of God's creations and I love him with all my heart.

Childlike Drive

Some say that being like a child is annoying or a bad thing because people need to mature, and I would agree, mostly. However, children has this admirable way in them. When they find something fascinating, they cling to it. They have this passion to know this thing, to get close to it, to invest in this remarkable thing. This desire that children have is simply incredible. This is what God wants from us. He wants a chase from us to Him. It truly breaks my heart when I realize that I myself am not chasing Him all the time. I chase after things that are meaningless. Things of this world. Success, happiness, whatever it may be. And really I should be chasing the one thing that matters. The one thing that isn't meaningless, but the source of meaning.
In A. W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God, he writes, "I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. he waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain...We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond."
I pray that I will be able to be a good example in my chase, my walk, my relationship with Christ. I want others to find something worth chasing. Or rather, not something to chase, but the only One worth chasing. Not money, success, husbands, friends, or anything of this world. But a relationship with our Creator and Father. A chase after anything other than Christ is entirely meaningless in life. What will it gain after death? "What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north...I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless -- like chasing the wind" Ecclesiastes (Ch. 1).