A couple days ago, on March 21, 2011, was my second year anniversary of my pursuit and relationship with God. It is so amazing to look back at who I was before I started my relationship with him. To see the changes, and the progress, and it is absolutely incredible how God works.
So here I am, telling you my testimony.
Growing up, I had always gone to church. I went to many different ones because my parents are divorced and they went to separate churches. At the age of nine, I was baptized, but I think I only did it because I thought it was the "right" thing to do. I didn't really understand what it meant. I had always understood the concepts of Christianity, it was just never a heart thing.
Then, going to high school, I was a very shy girl. My freshman year I went into a really bad depression/anger phase. I don't even remember how it started, I just know that I tried to make it look like everything was okay. I dated a guy that I wasn't really interested in. He was a junior. Luckily, I broke it off with him, but still continued in my depression. This continued into my sophomore year, when things started shaping up.
I started going to a church in Mansfield, and sure, I was still a little depressed. I felt isolated, alone. And then I started dating another guy who went to my school. This guy wasn't Christian, so at first things were a little shaky. I continued going to my church and things started getting better. I started bringing him to church, in hope of him coming to Christ with me. Eventually we started having devotions together, although it rarely happened.
My junior year, something finally sparked. I was at church retreat with my youth group. My boyfriend wasn't there, which made it easier to concentrate (which should have a been a sign to me). We were doing a series about going deeper in God's word and getting to know him on a deeper level. I don't know how it happened, but something just clicked. March 21, 2009. I cried, shared what was on my heart, and things started changing. However, I still struggled spiritually in my relationship with my boyfriend.
Our spiritual relationship was not solid and that made for problems. I was fighting it hard, but there were just some things that didn't line up. You see, I never had problems with drugs or drinking, but this relationship had problems of its own. I never slept with my boyfriend, but there were times when it came close, and I knew that things had to change. I was very, and at times still am very shameful of things that I allowed that were clearly crossing lines. So I continued to try and work through the problems, but it just didn't get anywhere.
My senior year, just after graduation, I broke it off with my boyfriend. I realized that he was a major distraction away from God and I had to change that. I cut myself off from him, knowing that if I didn't I might go back. It was hard and challenging, but it was then that I really started running to God. And looking back within these last two semesters at Ashland, I have never grown so quickly in my life.
I started going to a church in Ashland, and I continue going there now. I am very involved here, and have made a new family through my church and friends. I have learned so much within the passed few months that I will take with me the rest of my life.
And looking back, I shouldn't be shameful of anything in my past because I have been forgiven. Satan will try to use the past as at stronghold to keep you from looking forward. Through my mistakes, I have learned a lot. And without making them, I never would've learned what I did and currently am.
I have never shared my testimony like this before. And I just felt that it was something that I should do. God gives each of us unique testimonies of how he has worked in our lives, and I thank God that he entered my life. He changed my heart, is changing it, and will continue to. And in this whole story, I smile, knowing that it was Him the whole time, and in everything, He gets the glory in return.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Crab
This passed week, I went to the Bahamas for a mission trip. And although I could share SO much about that whole week, there is one thing that really stuck with me from that trip.
Throughout the week, I struggled spritually. (And it was a good struggle). I had begun learning how to love people in a new way. At home, I feel like I have to perform to get approval sometimes. I feel like my performance reflects how I love the people. But in the Bahamas, I began learning how to love people just by spending time with them, getting to know them, and just learning about who they are. I didn't have to perform, even though we did go to do home repair. It wasn't about repairing homes. This trip was about getting to build relationships with people that will last longer than a week. We got to know these people and be with them, and they changed our lives just by being who they were to us. And hopefully, God's love for them shone through us as well.
Also, I began to really recognize the beauty of God. I did a lot of video taping that week because I like taking videos instead of pictures, although pictures are awesome too. And behind the camera, I got to watch people and see who they were. I also got to know them while I wasn't video taping, but I liked experiences who they were all together. And as I got to know my team and the people there, I began to see how God makes people so different from each other. We all look differently, talk differently, have different personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on and on. And I personally get so much joy from seeing so much diversity. And in this diversity, we all work together because if we were all the same, how would that work?
If we were all God's arms and no feet, how could we function? So I was watching at how each person had their function and who they were, and I began questioning myself. I began comparing myself to everyone, and seeing their beauty, I felt I had none. I felt like I had nothing interesting, nothing worth while about myself. And I struggled with this almost the whole week.
Then, on our last day, we were walking along the beach and I found a (dead) baby crab. I almost walked right by it, and almost kept going. But something about this crab just caught my attention. And I began thinking, God, why didn't I just walk passed this insignificant crab? There's nothing special here. It's small, dead, and I don't see anything worth while about it. And then a thought popped into my head, and I began thinking about how this tiny, insignificant crab was made by God. The creator of the universe. And that had more meaning, more significance than anything I had ever thought of.
I was that crab. I am tiny, insignificant, but I have been made by God. Even if there is no other talent, beauty, or anything else about me, my beauty comes from our Creator and I think that speaks volumes. And he has made me alive in his Son, and he loves me. I often have the attitude that I will never get married because there isn't really anything unique about myself, but I've realized something:
If God made me, created me, adopted me, calls me his child, then that is better than any other thing I will ever be able to think of. And I am growing so much more than I ever have, and I love God more and more each day, and if that isn't something extraordinary, then I don't know what is.
I am special because I am one of God's creations and I love him with all my heart.
Throughout the week, I struggled spritually. (And it was a good struggle). I had begun learning how to love people in a new way. At home, I feel like I have to perform to get approval sometimes. I feel like my performance reflects how I love the people. But in the Bahamas, I began learning how to love people just by spending time with them, getting to know them, and just learning about who they are. I didn't have to perform, even though we did go to do home repair. It wasn't about repairing homes. This trip was about getting to build relationships with people that will last longer than a week. We got to know these people and be with them, and they changed our lives just by being who they were to us. And hopefully, God's love for them shone through us as well.
Also, I began to really recognize the beauty of God. I did a lot of video taping that week because I like taking videos instead of pictures, although pictures are awesome too. And behind the camera, I got to watch people and see who they were. I also got to know them while I wasn't video taping, but I liked experiences who they were all together. And as I got to know my team and the people there, I began to see how God makes people so different from each other. We all look differently, talk differently, have different personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on and on. And I personally get so much joy from seeing so much diversity. And in this diversity, we all work together because if we were all the same, how would that work?
If we were all God's arms and no feet, how could we function? So I was watching at how each person had their function and who they were, and I began questioning myself. I began comparing myself to everyone, and seeing their beauty, I felt I had none. I felt like I had nothing interesting, nothing worth while about myself. And I struggled with this almost the whole week.
Then, on our last day, we were walking along the beach and I found a (dead) baby crab. I almost walked right by it, and almost kept going. But something about this crab just caught my attention. And I began thinking, God, why didn't I just walk passed this insignificant crab? There's nothing special here. It's small, dead, and I don't see anything worth while about it. And then a thought popped into my head, and I began thinking about how this tiny, insignificant crab was made by God. The creator of the universe. And that had more meaning, more significance than anything I had ever thought of.
I was that crab. I am tiny, insignificant, but I have been made by God. Even if there is no other talent, beauty, or anything else about me, my beauty comes from our Creator and I think that speaks volumes. And he has made me alive in his Son, and he loves me. I often have the attitude that I will never get married because there isn't really anything unique about myself, but I've realized something:
If God made me, created me, adopted me, calls me his child, then that is better than any other thing I will ever be able to think of. And I am growing so much more than I ever have, and I love God more and more each day, and if that isn't something extraordinary, then I don't know what is.
I am special because I am one of God's creations and I love him with all my heart.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Childlike Drive
Some say that being like a child is annoying or a bad thing because people need to mature, and I would agree, mostly. However, children has this admirable way in them. When they find something fascinating, they cling to it. They have this passion to know this thing, to get close to it, to invest in this remarkable thing. This desire that children have is simply incredible. This is what God wants from us. He wants a chase from us to Him. It truly breaks my heart when I realize that I myself am not chasing Him all the time. I chase after things that are meaningless. Things of this world. Success, happiness, whatever it may be. And really I should be chasing the one thing that matters. The one thing that isn't meaningless, but the source of meaning.
In A. W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God, he writes, "I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. he waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain...We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond."
I pray that I will be able to be a good example in my chase, my walk, my relationship with Christ. I want others to find something worth chasing. Or rather, not something to chase, but the only One worth chasing. Not money, success, husbands, friends, or anything of this world. But a relationship with our Creator and Father. A chase after anything other than Christ is entirely meaningless in life. What will it gain after death? "What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north...I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless -- like chasing the wind" Ecclesiastes (Ch. 1).
In A. W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God, he writes, "I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. he waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain...We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond."
I pray that I will be able to be a good example in my chase, my walk, my relationship with Christ. I want others to find something worth chasing. Or rather, not something to chase, but the only One worth chasing. Not money, success, husbands, friends, or anything of this world. But a relationship with our Creator and Father. A chase after anything other than Christ is entirely meaningless in life. What will it gain after death? "What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north...I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless -- like chasing the wind" Ecclesiastes (Ch. 1).
Friday, December 31, 2010
The New Year
Unlike most, I do not hope for a "happy" New Year, but a challenging one. I think Americans, generally speaking, are happy enough. I started a book yesterday, and it only opened my eyes that we, if I may speak for many, are very comfortable in our present lives. We don't have to think much about it. We are encouraged to be comfortable. I think it's time to get out of this filthy realm and ignite what God really has in mind.
I realize that just saying this is not going to do anything really. But I have been thinking about how we, Christians, are going to make a difference if we don't speak up. Wearing W.W.J.D bracelets or T-shirts isn't going to do much if our lives aren't matching what we stand for. After all, we are ambassadors of Christ. We must try to represent him as best as we can. We can't just sit here and expect people to question us if we don't get out there and give them something to question.
My New Year Resolution: I want to thirst so much for God until it hurts. I want to see what he has in store and be willing to do that and beyond what he asks without question. I want Christians to be distinguished and different from non-believers and even lukewarm Christians. I want people who have zeal and are completely RADICAL. Out of their minds for Christ. I want to be that. I want there to be a death in me, and a new reviving of Christ in my life. I want to shed that unnecessary skin and be clothed anew. I want Christians to fall in love more and more everyday with Christ. To know Him, and grow. I want to touch people all over and share with them. I want God's people to unite and start a revolution.
A Revolution. 2011.
I realize that just saying this is not going to do anything really. But I have been thinking about how we, Christians, are going to make a difference if we don't speak up. Wearing W.W.J.D bracelets or T-shirts isn't going to do much if our lives aren't matching what we stand for. After all, we are ambassadors of Christ. We must try to represent him as best as we can. We can't just sit here and expect people to question us if we don't get out there and give them something to question.
My New Year Resolution: I want to thirst so much for God until it hurts. I want to see what he has in store and be willing to do that and beyond what he asks without question. I want Christians to be distinguished and different from non-believers and even lukewarm Christians. I want people who have zeal and are completely RADICAL. Out of their minds for Christ. I want to be that. I want there to be a death in me, and a new reviving of Christ in my life. I want to shed that unnecessary skin and be clothed anew. I want Christians to fall in love more and more everyday with Christ. To know Him, and grow. I want to touch people all over and share with them. I want God's people to unite and start a revolution.
A Revolution. 2011.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Relax, Take it Easy
It is really easy to get caught up in the stress and freak outs of final week. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed because I have so much stuff to do before the semester is over, but then I remembered that everything I am doing is for God. Everything. I also started thinking that he has everything in control. I don't have to worry about anything. Everything will happen how he planned it. Plus, what does worry really do? Does it help? Does it make anything better? I think not.
So therefore, the best thing to do is relax, take time and breath, and meditate on the thought that God has everything in control. Leave all your worries and anxiety on him. He's got your back. He can help so much better than we can worry.
Just remember these words: Relax, take it easy. For there is nothing that we can do WITHOUT CHRIST! Everything you do for him is never wasted, but selfish ambition, or performing for human satisfaction will be wasted if you aren't doing it for Christ. We can do anything with him.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37: 4
So therefore, the best thing to do is relax, take time and breath, and meditate on the thought that God has everything in control. Leave all your worries and anxiety on him. He's got your back. He can help so much better than we can worry.
Just remember these words: Relax, take it easy. For there is nothing that we can do WITHOUT CHRIST! Everything you do for him is never wasted, but selfish ambition, or performing for human satisfaction will be wasted if you aren't doing it for Christ. We can do anything with him.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37: 4
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
We Are From the Lowliest of All Things- Dust
I was reading my daily devotions, and the topic was titled "Uncommonly Unique." I thought...hmm..this should be interesting..
So I go on reading and it discusses how we are no coincidence, accident, or anything, other than "fearfully and wonderfully made." This quote coming from Psalm 139, probably my favorite of them all. I think it is completely breath-taking that humans, coming from dust, are still fearfully and wonderfully made. We come from DUST! We could have been made from anything, but God chose dust.
I looked up the different translations for "fearfully and wonderfully made" and came across a few others including: "strangely and delicately formed," "amazingly and miraculously made," and "wonderfully complex." So my thought then is this: coming from dust, why weren't we made the lowliest of the creatures. I mean, we could've been made from anything higher really. But we come from dust, and he chose to make us his workmanship, his masterpiece. Does this not amaze you? He could've kept us the lowliest positions, but instead we were made to rule over all the creatures.
Do you know what dust is made from? It can range from dead skin cells, corpses of dust mites, concrete, and stone dust. We come from dead things, and were breathed into, and then given life! How incredible!
Do you want to know the irony in that? Every creature besides us, his masterpieces, choose to obey everything he says to do. We were the only ones given free will, and yet we choose to abuse it. His workmanship can't even obey what he has asked.
The creation rejecting the Creator.
We come from dust, and yet somehow God treasures us in a way that I cannot even fathom! And it breaks my heart, I mean it really tears me up inside, to think that we put a limit to ourselves. God made us for him. It is awesome that he would want to use someone like me! Someone coming from dead skin and dead dust mites...Wow.
He doesn't care what we think of ourselves because he knows every thought, action, motive, every detail about us and knows us completely. And still, he loves us and wants to use us for his will.
There really is no one like you, LORD.
So I go on reading and it discusses how we are no coincidence, accident, or anything, other than "fearfully and wonderfully made." This quote coming from Psalm 139, probably my favorite of them all. I think it is completely breath-taking that humans, coming from dust, are still fearfully and wonderfully made. We come from DUST! We could have been made from anything, but God chose dust.
I looked up the different translations for "fearfully and wonderfully made" and came across a few others including: "strangely and delicately formed," "amazingly and miraculously made," and "wonderfully complex." So my thought then is this: coming from dust, why weren't we made the lowliest of the creatures. I mean, we could've been made from anything higher really. But we come from dust, and he chose to make us his workmanship, his masterpiece. Does this not amaze you? He could've kept us the lowliest positions, but instead we were made to rule over all the creatures.
Do you know what dust is made from? It can range from dead skin cells, corpses of dust mites, concrete, and stone dust. We come from dead things, and were breathed into, and then given life! How incredible!
Do you want to know the irony in that? Every creature besides us, his masterpieces, choose to obey everything he says to do. We were the only ones given free will, and yet we choose to abuse it. His workmanship can't even obey what he has asked.
The creation rejecting the Creator.
We come from dust, and yet somehow God treasures us in a way that I cannot even fathom! And it breaks my heart, I mean it really tears me up inside, to think that we put a limit to ourselves. God made us for him. It is awesome that he would want to use someone like me! Someone coming from dead skin and dead dust mites...Wow.
He doesn't care what we think of ourselves because he knows every thought, action, motive, every detail about us and knows us completely. And still, he loves us and wants to use us for his will.
There really is no one like you, LORD.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
He is set apart [HOLY]
One of the most greatest things I can ever be thankful for is the gift of having a holy father who loves me and chooses to love me despite who I am.
Do you ever think about what if God wasn't special? What if he was like every other (false) god? What would make him worthwhile? Well..the good news is that he isn't like every other (false) god. He is alive, and has been forever.
Even better than him even existing is the fact that he knows us completely. Into the deepest corners of our hearts, he knows. Every thought, every motivation. And yet, he chooses us. He loves us, and chooses us to work for him. We are completely undeserving of this spectacular gift.
Why on earth would he ever choose me? I wouldn't choose me. And yet, he does. Even though I know how despicable I am, and how pathetic, he know, and STILL CHOOSES to use me.
It's entirely amazing.
Not only this, but he gives us sooooo many blessings that I lose count of, and take for granted --extremely. I just don't get it. I can't believe how awesome he is.
How incredible! Would you not agree?
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Do you ever think about what if God wasn't special? What if he was like every other (false) god? What would make him worthwhile? Well..the good news is that he isn't like every other (false) god. He is alive, and has been forever.
Even better than him even existing is the fact that he knows us completely. Into the deepest corners of our hearts, he knows. Every thought, every motivation. And yet, he chooses us. He loves us, and chooses us to work for him. We are completely undeserving of this spectacular gift.
Why on earth would he ever choose me? I wouldn't choose me. And yet, he does. Even though I know how despicable I am, and how pathetic, he know, and STILL CHOOSES to use me.
It's entirely amazing.
Not only this, but he gives us sooooo many blessings that I lose count of, and take for granted --extremely. I just don't get it. I can't believe how awesome he is.
How incredible! Would you not agree?
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
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