My Renovation

I don't blame God for wanting to spit me out. It disgusts me how lukewarm I am sometimes. I'm reading a book called Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. It's a great book.  I mean, I care more about the creations of this world and choose to worship them instead of the Creator itself!! See the problem here? I often compare myself to others and only give part of my time with Him, when he wants it alllll. All the time! Why do I fear telling people about how amazing He is? I care more about actions and performing instead of what is going on internally.

Many people would use the term of heart surgery, but I heard someone recently call it suicide. We must every day be killing our old selves and being born into the new one. Searching ourselves, and doing what is pleasing to God. Crucify every unholy thought and just do a complete renovation of your heart and mind.

Easier said than done, huh? It's not easy, but I think that's the point. For me, it is my nature to want to control every single thing that happens. And when it doesn't go my way, I try to calculate why that is. God didn't want us to control everything. What would be the purpose of that? He wants us to need him. We do need him, more desperately than we know (or may possibly ever comprehend).

I don't even know if any of this is making sense, because I'm just rambling thoughts. I hope someone can relate. I just feel so completely undeserving. I want that relationship. And the good news is is that it's there for the taking! You can get it anytime! What a blessing.

I'm so thankful we have a relentless, and unconditionally loving God.